Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. – Khalil Gibran

“Though there is no fundamental difference between (You and me), O Lord, I am Yours ; You are not mine. The wave is of the ocean, the ocean is not of the wave (though there is no fundamental difference between the two.” - Adi Shakaracharya. ...Trust GOD he has better plans for you; better than what you want!

When things are tough, you must be tougher.

Today I guess I let someone be stolen away. Someone I thought was an acquaintance less and a friend more. One of the coolest people he was because was simply never took either his looks or his abilities as something out of the ordinary. Extraordinary he was, simply because of his modesty and humbleness in his dealings. When girls tripped out just ogling at him, he wouldn’t notice. If one happened to tell him that he was being stared at, he would blush with his eyes crinkling up. Infectious gentle laughter that would put a giggle in my belly too. Inspite of his rigorous schedule and the gruelling hours, he would write to me, often thrice a week. They made me happy, always. Wish I would still get them...........And on tops he also featured in an ad which I saw after 1997 and yeah hate to admit it, but still like it....

            An avid golfer, a good sportsman, a topper and the most sought out one of his batch; he was. It seemed to me that he had the Midas touch, too fantasy types to be real.  The truffle was that he made me laugh. Maybe all this was bias but the world seems happier when you are surrounded by your people.  I saw the relaxed, confident guy sitting next to me as someone who knew what he was and wanted to be. There was not an iota of cockiness in him that time.

He still is all that and more. The cockiness still hasn’t germinated.

The boy grew up to be a man.  A good husband, a great father and a fantastic leader, I presume.  Extrapolating, of course. I haven’t seen him in a generation but when I next met him I saw his finesse exactly intact. He still doesn’t lose his temper. God forbid, if he does.  He goes outside his comfort zone and tries seeing the world from different perspectives.  Whether it be religion or spirituality his reluctance to explore just ain’t there. The Adonis has grey hair now; but it ain’t age, just responsibilities. He still laughs and his eyes still crinkle but he still looks like the same to me. But when the sound stops I see a grown up man, definitely different from the guy but the same one who would care and do anything to please the people he cared about.  The stickler for fitness pulled off any restrictions the medical world put on him and still wins hands down. His dressing sense and lazy gait is enough to let people around him feel comfortable and relaxed. Though they would still feel enamoured in close proximity of his vibes. He still would sort himself out to do things for you, give up sleep and the likes, but won’t let you down. So, is it normal for people to behave like that...I think I am lucky. His impish smiles still ready to pull mist over you and his demeanour still is intact.

When he wasn't around, hasn't been in a long time; life went on. Though when he came back I still didn't feel the disconnect. Now it feels logical to come back to happy memories. So, felt like home. You all look back to happy places because you can be real and safe with people you have believed in. People who when existed maybe made life simpler.

But what brought me down was his disdain to his temporal space. It dismayed me to no end that someone filled to the brim with positivity and so charismatic wouldn’t be an achiever simply because he is surrounded by low life and the sourest dim witted individuals in his world. The worst part is that for him no one is a hurdle but disinterest is. When we were surrounded by imaginary unreal problems, he wasn’t. College going teens seldom see sense going through emotional roughage almost on an hourly basis. But he was on another plane. Wished we were there too, we were just happy to be parking in that airfield.

So, what’s wrong and what is eating me? And should it? And ain’t I interfering with his free will.

Starting with his job, as he climbed step after step, he lost interest in doing routine, mundane work which didn’t really challenge his intellect. His mind was elsewhere. Like all great men he lived in the future but like all fallen men he could not see his own life and character being chipped away by the flesh eating bacilli of ambition, greed and ruthlessness of others.

He was a smart lad then, is a smart man now. he was respectful to his elders then and is equally so with the ones of his profession now, even though they have since faded into oblivion.He knows better. Why now he can’t believe in the fact that people are called strong who have difficulties. If you don’t have difficult times then how can your strong side come out in simple times?  Courage isn’t exactly the lack of fear but the ability to control it.  How do you make a guy believe that he is well as good as one could be. Has he been indoctrinated to believe that the system he is working in is beyond repair and his energies will be wasted here as there is no one around to appreciate genuine hardwork.   Why can’t he see that that a diamond shines in haystacks as well as a jewellery shop. It just doesn’t stop being itself if it lies in dirt. So, why should humans not behave better than inanimate things? He doesn’t see that his example will be followed by others, am sure it will be. Maybe I ain’t as worldly wise as him neither do I have the experience and the luxury of a family but what I have is clarity of vision. I love this space surrounding me. I know it ain’t perfect but I intend taking my step. Move to greener pastures; you do deserve better. But people here also deserve better people like you to help them out of this ordeal. Take it as challenge....you can.  Why should you try to change, improve, be good, better, perfect.....why?

You don’t need to. You already are. You just need to let go and become the same lad. Time will get you what you derive best only if you respect the present to give you it’s best. Trust me on that I know your frustration and your intelligence levels. I don’t need to be on 24/7/366 to see that....One does things for blood and unexplained geeky friends who can no more help themselves but would love to see your soaring even it is from a distance.

“You have never lived until
You have almost died,
And for those who choose to fight,
Life has a special flavor,

The protected will never know!!!”

I just love and honour this profession! I see its failings too but I also see its love for anyone and everyone who wants it, really wants it! Can't Won't get it out of my blood! Success in life can never be measured by the power you attain but how you dilute that power for the betterment of those who have not been so fortunate to attain it.

P.S   Can I be more circumspect about it....I gave it my best shot...keeping fingers crossed? The morning outburst was uncalled for but I couldn’t let it stay and act like I didn’t care. I care....but high time I move off and let him breathe as earlier. Status quo...cause it was better feathers stay still than ruffle them.

All this emotional crap ain’t for the heck for it but to make you realise your potential (trust me this I know better) and yes also to apologise. Hated for being a jerk standing next to a car and spewing venom. It would have hurt you but unkind deeds and words hurt the originator more than the recipient can ever fathom.

When you bake a cake for friend or family and can’t get around to offering him a slice of it ‘cause thinking he won’t like it....Seemed like I am losing a friend and fast too. 

And I don’t like the feeling of it lying uneaten in my oven.

Serendipity got this story for me......

ONE DAY I DECIDED TO QUIT
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with god
“God”, I asked,
“Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”.
His answer surprised me…
“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo ?
“Yes”, I replied.
“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.I gave them water.The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
“In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.” He said.
“Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”
He asked me. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots”.
“I would not quit on the bamboo.I will never quit on you.”
“Don’t compare yourself to others.” He said.”The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful.”"Your time will come”, God said to me.
“You will rise high”.
“How high should I rise?” I asked.
“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.
“As high as it can?” I questioned.”Yes.” He said, “Give Me glory by rising as high as you can.”

I left the forest & brought back this story.I hope these words can help you see that God never gives up on you.

Never, Never, Never, Give up.

Don’t tell the GOD how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great  GOD and his creation are!

Parental Logic

I don't have kids...I would love to adopt and have lots and hope to heaven that I make the same effort my father did with me and my brother. My brother has a son, Aditya. Aditya is the bond between my Dad and My brother... The circle of life does catch up with all of us.

My brother now understand the love logic that drives a parent, I also think I do. But I guess any parent will understand all this...

My Dad was a mean Father...once he was my hero, then he was all right, just another father, then he was hatesome...But during all this too he could perform MAGIC...I believe it today too, especially when I am ill (I am 34).

Someday when Aditya grows up enough to understand, this is for him.

My father put curfew times, bothered me with queries about where am I going, interrogated my friends too. He loved me.

He held me close when I cried. When I let my friends go every time he got transferred, he would be there for me. He never cried, never; except when I moved away to college.

He loved us enough to stand over us for hours, inspected our rooms and paid us for cleaning our rooms.And boy, were we honoured if he said "Well done".

He was harsh with punishments, breaking my ego, letting me take the responsibility for my actions. It pained him to punish me, but instilled me with a sense of forthrightness.

But most of all, he I guess loved me to say NO when he knew I would hate him for it. (the hatred time lasted just till he decided it should.)

Those were the most difficult battles of all.

Was your Papa horrible and mean? I know mine was.(My brother never would use these words)

We had the meanest and nicest father in the whole world!

While other kids ate what they wanted for food, we had greens(what my father thought was healthy), no less than his decided portions, but more we could all we wanted.When others had a Pepsi and a Uncle Chips for lunch, we had to eat daal and chappatis.

Papa insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were prisoners in a cell.

He had to know who our friends were and what we were doing with them, though he would claim all the time he didn't remember their names.

He always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Borrowing was out of the question, I know cause in XII I got so badly smacked I had to be rescued by your great grandmother, my grand ma, of course. the impressions lasted forever on my mind.

By the time we were teenagers, he could read our minds and had eyes in the back of his head. He knew which part of Dehradun I had been driving in all day (That was 1994). I felt as if RAW worked for him. Then, life was really tough!

I couldn't have boyfriends like the rest, cause Papa insisted on either going Dutch or paying the whole. Rest of the girls got teddy bears and heart pillows, Papa told me to pay for my own.

We missed out on lots of things other kids experienced because of Papa.

Both of us have never been caught taking a loan,shoplifting, destroying other's property or ever suspended.

It was all his fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. I hope Ravi is doing his best to be a mean parents just like Papa was.

I think that what's wrong with the world today is that it doesn't have enough mean Dads and mothers!